Crybabystill (JoAnn) November 20, 2009

Dream #1. My phone at the house rang and a feminine voice asked me What the weather in Italy was like for that day. I pretended I might have that information -and she [by this, I forced her into a probe and in doing to maybe reveal what she really wanted to know and also who she really was, When finally the conversation stalled, I told her- "I didn't know." Dream #2. A big fat man with thinning hair and a hostile look on his face was standing in my office- looking at me. It was something about his beneficiary in Italy being denied access to his family home and financial accounts. It was that I, in some work capacity had issued him the wrong document needed to permit this person to transfer his funds located there. I protest saying, I am not permitted to issue, a power of attorney here or in Italy, as I am not an attorney. He grew closer and it appeared as if he was about to hit me. He said he knew better and that I had better get with it or else. The correct slip he said, was a blue one and not the pink one that I had mistakenly given him (I could tell by the snarling way he said 'mistakenly' that he believed I had done this to him maliciously). My supervisor on hearing the commotion, entered the room to the side of the man and after looking at the document in question asked the man to go with him to a higher ranked office that could issue such a document. He and the man left and I feared for the safety of my supervisor and I feared the man would return. Dream #3. Later, when it seems I am free from this dream and comfortably sleeping. I opened my eyes and I saw a man in a plaid sports shirt falling right on top of me. I yelled "Oh!" out loud and gathered myself together and realized it was not a real event.

Comment:

My Rosicrucian exposure, is from long ago and at a time my life that was one in upheaval. Today, I think what I learned then, is now diluted and mixed with all kinds of pop psychology impressions (as well some real life experiences- good and bad) acquired since. I do not wish to imply my self-concocted use or misuse of their philosophic views to be taken as authentic,
yet it is my starting point. I have a great respect for their teachings and the personal kindness they showed me when I needed it most.


I need to mention I am not qualified to advise others,
as well a little wacky when it comes to evaluating my own personal life details. Nevertheless, that is me, and where I find my starting points for dream alanysis and the resulting self-analysis begins by looking for hints of a cosmic if not devine power with a message somehow arriving from outside of my self, advising, nidging me, trying to move me to being a better person, a more insightful person and one helpful to others and not totally self-centered. or self-delusional. The good
intentions, I hope, are enough to cause others to overlook
the imperfections and misdirection connected with my input here. I try to take a view that has room for being open to other persons seeing my dream world different than I do.

I cannot tell myself if such desires changes in any way my dream
content or their value to me.

---

Although in my dream events here are three separate dream episodes. I believe they are connected at some level just out of reach of my ability to connect them.

This causes me to [1] read them over and then locate the base elements and test each of them agaimst my real life. Looking in particular for its message type elements [2] Then subject, piece by piece, each element or item in the dream to a kind of loose thinking somewhat in the manner of Freudian free association. I intentionally shut off any thread of association too repetitious, ugly, hateful or self-demeaning. This has something to do with my coping ability in relation to negative thoughts more than any rejection of free association as a analytic tool. [3] My coping ability also is key to my similar automatic shut-off of memory search, the next process. I break searching for the past whenever it turns into a guilt trip, or a muck-raking of childhood parental conflicts. I accept that these these things shaped me and that in time I can reduce them to ordinary
memories and not sore spots. [5] I tell myself that my unconscious will do justice in respect to that which is significant, when and if, it sees that I can deal with it. (Not very scientific but not unpleasant either. And I look forward to welcoming my new dreams as they arrive.

Here, fragmented, are my notes I jotted down- I don't normally write down anything but the manifest dream content in my dream book.

My not keeping written interpretations and associations has its roots in my belief when any element has been worked through you should be able to forget it and not be haunted by it.

Example my procedures:

Dream 1

The unidentified feminine voice - Asking about the weather in Italy?
Some associations
Voice= My alter ego, my conscience, my mother, the bitch at work who seems out to sabotage me.

Weather=  Sunny Italy- Tempests-Metaphor for moods. Weather we-at-her= hostile-feminine -tempestuous-intimacy problems (mine and or others).
My playing that I might know= a trick to get her [ego-super-ego or whatever] to reveal what she is really after?= vague fears/ s/he= who?/why?/what? Motive? /(various thoughts
not written down 3-4 minutes and I shut them off and move to the next dream. noting that it also connects to Italy)

Italy=sunny happy place [hidden Mafia elements=gangster=bad men-men= mostly-some women-danger to me-to others-recent local crime news-etc.

Color slip wrong/not useable for recipient/=good or bad intentions gone wrong-denial of responsibility for error- (one of my basic traits)=shift to others law-lawyers-dissimilarity of colors-excuses (I am indeed, a clever excuse maker)

Supervisor responds ='the other' who takes away fear and handles the problems to big for me to handle. (My missed father imago in childhood)

He takes the hostile angry man away from me and to a office with higher authority=wish fulfilled at the cost of shifting danger to him-my objects of attachment and love=up to mother-husband and-even god-etc.= -important images periled when I shift responsibility for things- I should be able to manage myself-the irrationality and the physicalitywith which this man confronted me= paralyzed ability to handle some negative
things-or do I just over react?-In this dream I don't think so-I am saved just before bad things happen (has been true in some but not all cases for me in past) -confrontations= I can't depend on such interventions to save myself or keep me stable-or to control others (Issues I know I have)
hostile intentions=( thing occasional a problem for me.)

At this point I feel I have turned up some new ground (my preferred metaphor) and move on to the third dream which is semi-hallucinatory and fear toned.

My first inclination is to reject this dream as not real-or
even analyzable and at the same time I recall how real it seemed at its moment of occurrence. It was real, lucid, clear and frightening. The plaid sport's shirt seemed to anchored it as visible proof of its reality. I feel this dream's nightmarish quality gives it more significance than the other two 'ordinary type' dreams. I found it however very difficult to perform the same association process on it that I do with the ordinary dreams.

Element research:
Man =dangerous or threatening// falls on me=sexual threats-real ones?/imagined ones?/
Plaid Shirt= scotch clan=scotch whiskey-drunk men= predators/molesters/

I then turn to past memory exploring for evidence that this could be a flash back to some bad experience that had come back to haunt me. Now I know very well, I have had perhaps, hundreds of nightmares, beginning in early childhood. These had all kinds of fear causing boogey men, creepy creatures, pirates and other disturbing images as the invention of a child's over sensitive nervious system. And maybe one not being able to control the development of its image world.

My memory search did touch on some foggy memories of my early confusions about sex, babies and adult life. But no hints supporting the occurrence of actual sexual things, except
my own self explorations and pleasure pain experiences, soiling
embarrassments, enemas experienced with apprehension and peculiar body sensations.

Nothing found supporting the occurrence of any actual man doing any sexual thing with me. I am never fully satisfied with my dream analysis, and I look forward to the next one. I believe I get some fulfillment, self-correction and self-healing from this practice.

Crybabystill (JoAnn) November 19, 2009 Three Dreams: A Voice, Angry Man, Nightmare.

I know I have taxed your attention by trying clumsily to show how I do my dream analysis and to what degree I use or abuse the process to self-analyze. If you wish to take me to task over my limitations and mistakes, feel free to do so. Just put "Angry Man Dream" in the subject space and e-mail me at fateanalysisguy@gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you. -Crybabystill. JoAnn,